Some years back, I developed psoriasis. I reached out to various dermatologists over the years and they each had something to offer me in the way of relief while maintaining the stance that there was no cure, only treatment. I eagerly took their advice and prescriptions every time. Nothing worked. The creams, the gels, a total waste of time, until I came upon the real doctors who had the good stuff.
The light treatments came next and made things worse but that was okay because there were far better "fix all" pharma to suit my needs. The last prescription I was given was a drug used to treat cancer. I might as well have been dead while on this drug. I cannot really explain how badly I felt during this time. I think back now and don't even know how I functioned at all. I remember associating getting out of bed in the mornings to peeling a banana, me being the peel, the mattress, the fruit. Every day was not just a chore it was a monumental accomplishment to get through and I hated everything and everybody. I can promise you it was the hardest thing I have physically ever done. Those that know me, know that is a statement into itself as a comparison since a year or so ago prior I had climbed my ass up Mt Hood (and some others) and was taking 9 mile runs on a regular basis.
But alas, the doc tells me they can give me a better drug that if I were willing to give myself injections that I would be just fine. They could get me back to the climbing and running, no problem. All I had to do was let them diagnose me with arthritis and that would suit my needs. Okay? Really? They asked that I go to this specific doctor to be diagnosed and I did and yes, he did, based on a few verbal questions diagnose me with arthritis. Really? Does this happen?
Project go-ahead. You can have the drug! Yes! But wait a minute. Being an intelligent thinking person, I pause to think of why this was all so easy and what the purpose really has been all along. I ask, what if I want to take a break from the drugs for a while to get my head together. After a scathing email lecturing me on the dire straits of my condition if I refused treatment I realized I was on my own. Then I get sick, the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
You see, you can't take the cancer meds when you're sick or you could end up with pneumonia so it is recommended that you skip your dosage while you are sick. I did. Almost immediately I felt a difference. I realized that, OMG, they were killing me with these drugs. And no, OMG, I don't want your new drugs either. This is when my journey of self healing began and still continues.
I have learned a lot so far and I continue to learn. I have learned things I don't specifically need to know for my specific condition, it just comes with the territory, but it is all useful and good stuff. My healing journey has just taken on a life of it's own but that's okay. I initially started this particular blog tonight about something different but this is what turned out and so it is. I will just go back and change the title.
Blogging, an animal of it's own. Like an alpaca, the hair just grows out of control but shit, alpaca wool makes great stocking caps so not all is lost. It's just a bad hair day.
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